James Bond Songs

Music is the most subjective thing on Earth, and it seems the proof I need is just to see what each people think of each Bond song. Most people generally agree on which Bond movies were the good Bond movies, but nobody can agree on the songs though. But there were some general agreements to where I came to the conclusion that I guess I have weird, yet specific music tastes. I've never seen a list I agree with when it comes to music, but sometimes it can be nice to see a list on music that you don't normally listen to from somebody who actually knows what they're talking about(like, maybe K-pop).

I think music might be the thing I'm most knowledgeable about, which is not saying much because I don't feel that smart about it. I can explain basic music theory, I can play guitar by basically imitating what I hear, and I like to hear all of the different parts in a song to see how they all fit together. But it's nowhere near the knowledge of that one guy I linked who likes K-pop for some reason(seriously, there's something he's sees in that music that I just don't, but it's nice that he's able to point out songs that I can actually like).

So, I do feel like I can have some sort of authoritative voice when it comes to good music because I'm starting to become familiar with why I like the songs that I do. Whenever I've seen other lists of James Bond songs, they only could get into the surface level stuff like "Oh, this singer sounds screechy" or "man, these lyrics don't make any sense" but there's a lot more to it than that. I feel like some people are missing a lot of things when they just focus on these superficial elements.

So, here's my list of what I think is good James Bond music. And yes, we're going through every one of them because I honestly can't believe how much I don't agree with other people.

Best Movies of 2015

I usually do a video for this but I never gave myself time to do one and I actually didn't see as many movies as I usually do for this year. So, the list is going to be shorter.

Also, maybe I should just mention that the movies that end up as being my favorites are usually the ones that I have something interesting to say because it resonated with me in some way. So, maybe a movie like Creed could be better than most of the movies I liked from last year, but they were movies that I just simply liked better or movies that I have something a little more interesting to say about them. This isn't some sort of definitive list where I calculate the best movies that'll be remembered as classics. This is just simply a list of movies that I remembered liking.

But, other movies I did like that aren't on this list for completely arbitrary reasons are Creed, Mad Max: Fury Road, A Bridge of Spies, and Inside Out.

So, here we go!

5. Antman

After Marvel proving that they can properly do an Avengers movie, still give Iron Man fresh air even after two movies, and make the biggest blockbuster summer hit from a bunch of characters nobody's ever heard of, it seems like the second Avengers movie would just be a safe bet that it would be as great as we secretly hoped it would be. And, while good, the big surprise came from making a good movie out of a superhero character that people probably knew but nobody cares about. Maybe due to ideas that Edgar Wright had that were taken after he left the project, but the overall enjoyment came from being a light, simple, fun action romp after what felt like that the Avengers 2 may not have been as great as we'd hope it'd be.

Antman isn't exactly Guardians of the Galaxy and it's nowhere near the excitement that was the first Avengers, but it was exactly what we needed.

4. The Martian

How much of an achievement can it be that they made an exciting film from hard science fiction that also manages to be a fun space adventure? It's pretty great that it's not only just a good film that advocates science and space travel, but that it does so in a way that can entertain anyone.

I'm not sure if I'm as high on The Martian bandwagon as others may be, but it's definitely worth a mention especially after Christopher Nolan's last attempt at whatever he was trying to do with Interstellar.

And I guess the big takeaway that I can get from this movie is that it's, apparently, possible to live off of potatoes...something that I don't want to test.

But, Jesus Christ, Matt Damon, CHEW WITH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH CLOSED! DON'T GOD DAMN CHOOSE TO START YOUR RECORDINGS AROUND THE TIME WHEN YOU DECIDE TO EAT! I WAS ROOTING FOR THE GUYS TO LEAVE YOU ON MARS DUE TO THIS CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY!

Still, it's pretty good.

3. The Hateful Eight

Are there any bigger, broader messages at play in this film? Perhaps about racism, sexism, and maybe the way this country is tearing itself apart due to hatred? Was a bit too on the nose when they were all stuck in the cabin and decided to pretend that each section is a part of the US that a person can stay in so they could leave each other alone?

Answer: Yeah, probably.

But, with all of that said, it's also just a great and engaging flick. Honestly, probably my new favorite Tarantino movie that stands up with Reservoir Dogs and Inglourious Basterds. Mostly because it has all of the things I like from a Tarantino movie. He does conflict through dialogue well, it's sharp witted and darkly funny, and, even if you know that the characters are just the most fucking despicable people you'll ever see on screen, I couldn't help but be engaged.

What makes it interesting is that it's more like a staged play than anything else in Tarantino's filmography. The entire movie basically takes place in a cabin that everybody is stuck in. That doesn't sound all that engaging, but Tarantino's masterful eye towards cinematography and editing as well as his keen ear towards unique dialogue makes makes this nearly three hour epic go by in a blink of an eye.

And, in regards to what this movie might be trying to say...well, I read Tarantino's original script after I saw the movie. Tarantino went back to rewrite it after it got leaked on the internet. I'm glad that I didn't read the script before seeing the movie but I'm really glad that Tarantino not only came back with a better script, he came back with a message. Most movies come out better and memorable when they have more to say. So, in that way, I'm kind of glad that whole incident happened.

2. Ex Machina

Pretty much the good "feel-bad" movie of the year. It's a movie that uses the Turing Test as a basis and it shows why we might be a little too overly excited in having AI robots indistinguishable from Humans. It's interpretation isn't exactly an optimistic answer and it'll definitely make some people feel bad about the turn of events the story eventually takes, but it will definitely stick with the viewer for a long time.

Without spoiling anything, the movie isn't against science or messing with things humans may not be capable of understanding(thank god), but it uses the whole device to explore a part of humanity that will make people feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, people's painfully human desires will get the best of them, especially if we live in a world where nobody wants to understand that.

1. Kingsman: The Secret Service

Matthew Vaughn is definitely one of the best action directors working today, but there's nothing quite like having a film go through whiplashes between cartoony, extreme violence while balancing some heavy drama and some more subdued action scene only to come around to a fancy dinner movie involving food from McDonalds.

I always have to feel like I really have to justify why I think this movie is as special as it is. Sure, it's a sort of parody on James Bond and points out all of the silly things that Bond is known for, but those kinds of movies are a dime a dozen. Except that this movie somehow manages to embody all of Bond's tropes to not just criticize them, but to excel at them. Sort of showing that James Bond isn't as fun as it could be(which is honestly a bold statement to make).

But James Bond never really amounted to much as far as "great art" is concerned. Even if the better Bond movies are some of the better action movies to ever come out. How about a movie that has some audacious things to say about the upper class? A movie that points out that the rich would happily leave everyone to die so long as they're guaranteed protection. Maybe a bit preachy, maybe a bit much, but the pay off is an absolute roar.

The point of comparison I have with this movie is The LEGO Movie of all movies. Sharp in wit, highly self aware, yet incredibly fun, engaging, and smart. There isn't exactly a movie I enjoyed more than Kingsman for this year and I had a blast. 

Hell, if nothing else, I hope the people behind Spectre can look at this and rethink their lives.

It's also worth noting that this is kind of a really weird movie. The opening scene is played so straight only to have it bounce around from "holy crap, look how fun it is to be James Bond" to "but this is still serious stuff." The fact that it all works and remains engaging is mind boggling.

So, no, I really have no problem in saying that, yes, Kingsman: The Secret Service is that good.

Is There Life on Mars?

David

— alex kapranos (@alkapranos) January 11, 2016

I don't think I'm exaggerating  when I say that no one expected this. I mean, here's a tweet on his birthday, two days before he died.

Happy birthday, God. pic.twitter.com/ZFVuGB83w3

— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) January 9, 2016

Of course, the tweet I displayed was a slight joke. We all knew that David Bowie wasn't God. That would be silly.  Sure, he made great music, was a great actor where he was able to make his own inherent strangeness work to his benefit, and was just a seemingly great guy. Hell, when was the last time we had a great artist that people were still talking about in a positive light before the person died?

But, even behind the jokiness of David Bowie being God, perhaps it kind of wasn't a joke either.

I am not joking in any way shape or form when I say it never even occurred to me that it was possible for David Bowie to not exist anymore

— April Richardson (@Apey) January 11, 2016

This is what makes it difficult for a lot of us. To me, Bowie never really seemed to be from this world. But, it kind of feels normal to think of him that way as well. I've read pieces about how Bowie got by in the industry by being weird. He was a bit of androgynous figure who created weird, off-beat, yet, fascinating music. Who else would perfectly embody the role known as The Goblin King and completely own up to it while still have everybody love him?

Maybe we just all started to believe that he was some sort of alien after he made an album about sort of being one. Who else could do a whole album like The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders from Mars, a rock opera involving a messenger travelling through space with space lasers and space invaders? Out of context, this all seems weird and very out there. But, within the context of David Bowie, it's all very awesome.

And that's not even including the other great albums and songs he did. I only really having a passing familiarity with his albums, but there are quite a few songs I liked by him. So much so that this what I wrote about him a year ago when I talked about my top five favorite artists.

"No matter what this guy does, it's at least always interesting. He branches off into a lot of different kinds of sounds and a lot of them are just winners. Even his more pop sounding stuff is immensely listenable compared to other artists. His songs you probably hear on the radio like Modern Love and Let's Dance are honestly quite great, but his quieter and even more "quirky" songs are what really stand out for me."

This was the song I used to represent him.

It's not quite something I can fully describe or comprehend. I could probably tell you how this song was constructed and why it works really well. But how someone could conceive anything like that? It would already take someone special like David Bowie.

Don't ask me to rank my favorite songs of his or my favorite album(I already feel too critical of The Beatles just by having a favorite album by them[Rubber Soul]); it's really hard to have to rank an artist's work when each of his pieces are already great in their own unique way.

So very special. So very unique. What else could he be besides an alien?

I wish Bowie's death were a hoax, not only because I wish he was alive, but to prepare me for his death by making me realize he COULD die.

— ToddInTheShadows (@ShadowTodd) January 12, 2016

And I think that's what makes it difficult for a lot of us. If anybody were immortal, it would have to be David Bowie.  Someone we could call God and kind of be sincere about it. Someone we could call an awesome space alien from Mars and we wouldn't even have to think twice about it.

Why?

Because there was no one else like David Bowie.

The only thing that would humanize Bowie is if something happened to him that every human has to face eventually. Death...

David Bowie was just as human as the rest of us, something that most of us probably forgot or refused to even realize.

David Bowie wasn't the immortal we all secretly thought he was, but...well, I don't know what else I can add to that sentence. I've tried finishing that sentence before, but I can't. I'm not sure how to finish it without sounding maudlin. Losing David Bowie is a loss I don't think we can ever recover from.

I don't think I can say it better than Todd in the Shadows can

Most celebrities, even the really talented ones, could be replaced. We could get another Matt Damon tomorrow. We'll never get another Bowie.

— ToddInTheShadows (@ShadowTodd) January 11, 2016

Or Carrie Brownstein

It feels like we lost something elemental, as if an entire color is gone. #DavidBowie

— Carrie Brownstein (@Carrie_Rachel) January 11, 2016

Or Jen Kirkman

This is the only uncool thing David Bowie has ever done.

— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) January 11, 2016

Or, really, a lot of people.

#RIP @DavidBowieReal Your life changed my life. Love forever. https://t.co/yQ3NsCesTH pic.twitter.com/sLH2ZyFSE5

— Nile Rodgers (@nilerodgers) January 11, 2016

Now...I guess the only thing we secretly hope for now is that David Bowie didn't die, he just went back home. Because I know I'll never be able to accept the truth.

Oscar Predictions(and Blunders)

Oscar time? Okay!

So, I'm going to go down the awards that I care about or feel like I'm okay talking about and then I'll tell you what I think should win. Got it? Okay.

Best Actor: Benedict McCumberbuns(The Imitation Game)

If The Imitation Game isn't going to win Best Picture, then Sir Sherlock Holmes is bound to win this award. Why? Well, he plays in a Biopic set in WWII about a guy with a mental disorder who happens to be gay.

This is just pure Oscar Gold, isn't it?

Real Best Actor: Jake Gyllenhaal(Nightcrawler)

What? Were you expecting me to keep to the nominees?

Well, I'm not. One of the weird things The Oscars keep on doing is overlook a lot of special achievements or at least the things that are more interesting. And Gyllenhaal's performance in Nightcrawler? It's nothing quite like anything else. Granted, the script helped a lot of this performance, but there isn't going to be anything quite as fascinating as the performance Gyllenhaal gives.

Best Actress:....

Honestly, this is kind of a toss up for me. Meryl Streep isn't here to ruin everything this time and, honestly, I've only seen one of the movies in this line up.

Real Best Actress: Rosamund Pike(Gone Girl)

Rosamund Pike in Gone Girl was something else entirely. She gives this weird, creepy effect that's not dissimilar to Gyllenhaal's performance, but also not quite like anything else.

I won't give away anything for those who have still not seen it, but you really should!

Best Support Actor:....

Yeah, kind of at a loss here as well. I've only seen Boyhood of all these movies and honestly.

Real Best Supporting Actor: Dave Bautista(Guardians of the Galaxy)

There was only one actor this year who could deliver the line "Never call me a thesaurus" and have it be the best thing ever.

Honorable Mention: "I am groot!"

Best Supporting Actress: Meryl Streep(Does it matter which movie?)

I'm not as confident in this prediction, but let's just see what happens.

Real Best Supporting Actress: Rosario Dawson(Top Five)

Weirdly enough, yet not too unsurprisingly, The Oscars came up pretty short when it came to racial diversity...as in, there isn't any. The only reason why Selma made it as a nominee for best picture was probably because The Oscars were starting to realize how white the whole thing was looking.

Anyways, Top Five was a special kind of movie and Rosario Dawson really made it her own here.

Best Animated Feature: Some movie that isn't going to be The LEGO Movie

Real Best Animated Feature: The LEGO Movie

Maybe The LEGO Movie proved to be a little too critical of everything to make anybody feel comfortable putting this in as a nominee. But, of all the things that make me not respect The Oscars as much as people think I should, this one is it.

Best Director: Alejandro G. Iñárritu

Holy crap you guys! He made the movie look like it was all done in one take. Unbelievable!

Real Best Director: Wes Anderson (The Grand Budapest Hotel)

Yes, I'm a Wes Anderson fan. Yes, not everyone is going to like his style. But, damn, even with all of the Wes Andersonisms in his new movie, there's still just isn't anything quite like it.

Embarrassments

It's really hard for me to pinpoint just one thing as being "The Best" Sometimes, there are some things that make me go "Yeah, this is the one" but a lot of times I'm more like "Damn, guys, it's all good"

But there's nothing quite like The Oscars giving a nominee to American Sniper for...anything.

Like, best Editing? Are you serious? Did we watch the same movie? Find any kind of generic action flick and you'd still have one that was better assembled than American Sniper.

Oh, it's up for Best Picture now?

Oi....

I've written a review for the movie, but I'm holding off on it until the damn movie has done any real damage.

Best Picture: The Imitation Game(Maybe)

I'm not in the biggest crowd for this prediction. Anything I have to say about why I'm predicting this movie has to do with what I said back when I talked about Benedict CumberMcHandy.

Others are predicting Birdman or Boyhood.

Boyhood seems more likely, but we'll see.

But, man oh man, if they give it to American Sniper....

Real Best Picture: The LEGO Movie

Nothing, nothing, is going to be as big and as bold of an achievement as The LEGO Movie. Usually, when I talk about best picture, I understand why my favorite movie isn't going to get mentioned.

I guess it might be too much for me to expect anything like Scott Pilgrim or The World's End to get more "professional" recognition outside of certain cult followings.

But, damn, The LEGO Movie? Not even up for best animated feature? Only gets a mention of that one catchy song?

I just dunno.

Anyways, yeah, as you might expect, The Grand Budapest Hotel would be my choice if I was restricted to just choosing the nominees but I think the most important film to win would be Selma.

Wouldn't that be something?

Kingsman: The Secret Service

Nearly five years ago, Kick-Ass shocked the senses of many adolescent minds everywhere(including yours truly) by giving us a daring, high concept story of how shockingly violent a world could be with real super heroes. While the movie could be called a dark satire on the superhero genre, there was no denying that it was also a lot of fun. Sure, it never really stops being incredibly scary that a ten year old girl could be trained as a heartless assassin, but there was nothing quite as inventive as the scenes that involved her beating the crap out of bad guys.

Matthew Vaughn's next superhero movie was X-Men: First Class, a movie that was good but didn't have the sort of violent, creative edge that made Kick-Ass come to life. But, now, he's back to prove himself again as the master of this gleefully violent, yet earnest kind of film-making he has shown through Kick-Ass with another adaptation of a Mark Millar Comic known as The Kingsman. This time, it's a take down on the James Bond genre and it's nothing quite like anything else.

What's the story? Well, if you've seen the trailer, it almost looks like it could be a James Bond movie by way of Harry Potter, where a kid gets discovered that he has the potential to be somebody great, but the trailers are being really deceptive in that regard. But even the first half of the movie sort of takes you through that kind of story only for the carpet to be pulled to show what this movie is really doing. It turns out that this movie is more of a Bond thriller than even the most recent James Bond movies with Daniel Craig.

In fact, this whole movie could be viewed as a sharp, meta commentary on the whole spy genre, particularly with the Bond movies. There isn't a lot of subtlety when two of the character start to literally talk about how serious the spy movies have been getting as they have been moving away from the fantastical elements that probably made those kinds of movies popular in the first place. There's also some commentary on class issues and on the way the modern government is running the world, but this movie is all about taking every Bond trope that you know and then turning it on its head. No prizes in guess that there is a diabolical villain with a secret lair, an evil henchman with metallic body parts, and a bunch of mooks in the same colored jumpsuits for our hero to relentlessly kill, but be surprised on how it all plays out.

Unfortunately, since this is one of those movies that revolves around shocking and surprising the audiences with every turn it makes, I'm not sure if I can really talk the story without spoiling it. It honestly kills me that I can't quite yet talk about a lot of the weird things that happens in this movie. But, basically, the main character, Eggsy, gets involved in the secret service by way of his deceased father being a part of the program. He gets recruited by Harry Hart, a Bondian super spy played by Colin Firth, who starts him on the path of becoming a "gentleman spy"(a literal term used in this movie as if the movie was sort of winking at the audience). While all of this is happen, we see Samuel L. Jackson as Valentine, a Steve Jobs-esque tech innovator, working on a diabolical plan of some sort to take over the world. So, with plot details like that, you could sort of guess where it's all leading to, but the movie takes a really dark turn in the middle...and that's all I'm going to say about that.

If anything else, Matthew Vaughn is quickly becoming one of the best action directors working today. What could have been overly familiar, boring fight scenes where it looks like two guys just flailing around at each other turns into ultra-violent, tightly choreographed, well shot fight scenes that still feels incredibly organic. And if one was wondering if Vaughn can only seem to do action scenes that involve creative ways to add to the body count, there's an intense scene involving skydiving that's more involving than your latest city destruction porn from your next blockbuster.

If there's any complaints that I do have with the movie, it's that one of the characters gets set up, characterized, and shown as someone who can really take care of business and then they give this person not a lot to do towards the end of the movie. And, if that wasn't enough, the character just so happens to be a female character named Roxy, the only main female character that is a part of the secret service. That was probably going to happen anyway since she's not the main character, but it's still pretty disappointing. However, the one female character who does get to do actually story stuff is one of the villains who literally has blades for legs...and it's awesome. A real character that makes for an even more imposing villain than even the main villain himself, though you're going to have to see the movie to see how that works.

Comparisons to Kick-Ass can be easily made, but, of all the movies it has most in common with, it's almost like the The Lego Movie of spy-thrillers. It rips apart the whole spy genre while simultaneously embodying it with an un-ironic sincerity. It's big, bold, audacious, gleefully violent, and also really good. After all, spy movies have gotten a little too serious lately, "Give me a far-fetched, theatrical plot any day!"

My only worry is that this movie is going to get killed at the box office thanks another young-adult novel adaptation that's even less deserving of a hit than usual. But now that you know how awesome this movie is, you know what to do this weekend!

Top Movies of 2014

Bonus: The Honorable Mentions

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

What is the legacy of The Hobbit movies? Was it all really nothing more than an extraneous digression of Jackson's career? I'm not really sure about all of this, but I can't deny that I've been enjoying the ride from the start. Are there problems? Sure! Did we really need these movies? Maybe not. But, were they fun? Hell yeah! Maybe the movies were there to show off action scene more than anything else, but, since this is a Peter Jackson project, you at least know they are going to be good action scenes. And, honestly, the story behind it all was all nicely done as far as I'm concerned.

I get why others wouldn't like it, but, for me, honestly, I'm glad I got to see it all.

Mr. Peabody and Sherman

I was waiting to hate this film. Hate, hate, hate, hate! The trailers looked terrible, it looked like they were dumbing it down for the kiddies and maybe even most of the parents, and...ugh...I was seriously just not looking forward to this movie.

But, defying every law of logic out there, it turned out to be good. It's not exactly great, it's not going to go down as a classic, but it all worked for me. It was genuinely funny, they did keep the spirit of the original show intact, and I was just surprised by the whole thing. And, really, that's enough to make me talk about your movie in a positive light of glowiness.

Sometime, it's nice to be wrong.

Big Hero 6

Pixar didn't get there chance to make a good movie this year, but Disney actually came out with something that might be on par with Pixar. But, it can't be that hard to figure out, right? Mix a good story with real emotion into the whole thing and you got yourself something more than a stupid ****ing Penguins movie. It even features an incredibly surprising and funny cameo for those who stuck around til the end of the creidts.

Lucy

We only use 10% of our brain...well, for me, that might be true. At least, only 10% of my brain helps me in doing anything useful, the other 90% just tells me to go back to bed and eat an entire pizza. But, as we all know, the whole 10% thing is complete bullcrap. But I'll be damned if there wasn't anything more ballsy to come out this year, except for maybe Noah(which honestly also deserves a special mention of its own). It's like a high budget grindhouse with a big grandiose message along with creative action scenes. And then it turns around and turns into 2001 Space Odyssey by the end of it all. How can I not at least give a little bit of love to that?

Fury

This is a really good and dark action movie in its own right, but if there was anything showing a disconnect between me and other people is that I wasn't quite affected by this movie as others were. A classmate in my Film Studies class was genuinely pissed off at how crummy the main characters were acting during one of the scenes while someone else was really enthusiastic about telling me that it was an intense and exciting movie almost in the same way as past me would passionately talk about The Phantom Menace(Hey, it's okay to like that movie when your a kid). Where does that leave me? I 'unno, but I can say that this movie does have an impact among those who've seen it.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

I was probably going to like a movie that featured Apes dual-wielding machine guns no matter what, but how about a movie that genuinely makes you care about a tribe of apes as if they were close friends to you? 

This movie is so awesome!

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

If anything, the Russo brothers might be quickly becoming my new favorite action directors and maybe my favorite American action directors period(there's a reason why the best action movies we get aren't coming from the US). They've come up with creative brawls unlike anything else we've seen. For the rest, I'll admit that I'm not exactly as in with the story as others have been for one reason or another(I can't explain the weird feeling I get), but the movie is surprisingly smart and complex in its story and its themes. That's worth a lot of things.

Selma

In the real world, some things that should be obvious for everybody somehow gets blocked from their vision due to...idiocy, I guess. How do you make progress for the betterment of this world when a big chunk of people are willing to stand their ground and prevent that from happening? Like Lincoln from Spielberg, Selma shows that, sometimes, you really need to get down and do what it takes to steer the country in the right direction. MLK often gets cited as the "peaceful protestor" who helped make progress with racial and social issues, but what gets left out is how this all played out showing what MLK was willing to go through. But, finally, we get the story that pulls no punches.

Neighbors

You seriously wouldn't believe how close this movie was in making it in my top ten. And, yeah, I know what your thinking. "That raunchy Seth Rogen comedy with Zac Efron? Like, really, Sean? Did you hit your head somewhere down the line?" But, I was not expecting how smart this movie was willing to play it. Sure, it never really stops being incredibly funny on how you can involve a baby in the midst of a college rave, but the film goes even further by giving a theme that Zac Efron's could be a sort of reflection on Seth Rogen's character. Who knew you could turn a joke on how these two guys doing an impression on their favorite Batman would turn into something hilarious yet a bit maudlin?

If only the same Seth Rogen helped in the making of The Interview. He would be unstoppable at this point...

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

One of the big things about making the Hobbit movies is that they're working from a book that's really hard to adapt. A lot of the changes and additions they made to the source material might seem extraneous and even downright blasphemous but the movie is working from a book that doesn't really have that much of a story. There is definitely a story in Tolkien's The Hobbit, but the structure basically amounts to...just a bunch a random stuff happening. In the book, it always seems like the Goblins and the Orcs show up just to be dicks about it, so maybe some credit should be given for making the villains a more essential part to the story. This is why An Unexpected Journey got off to a bit of a rocky start, even if I still really enjoyed it. In fact, maybe this whole experience has been a little rocky from the start as it was hard to see where all of this extraneous bloat would be going.

But, if the series has been anything, they have at least been entertaining and fun to watch as nobody seems to know their craft of big giant battle scenes as well as Peter Jackson. In fact, one could probably look at these movies as nothing more than Jackson seeing how much left he could throw into this fantasy world of Middle Earth. Of course the goblin cave sequence would be nothing but silly, yet awesome light-hearted action. Of course they would adapt a simple scene of the Dwarves escaping by way of barrel riding into a full scale action scene involving kung-fu and heads getting cut off. And, much in the same way here, yeah, what took a couple of pages in the book has been blown up into a full feature length movie involving a battle of five armies. The final result of The Battle of the Five Armies will depend on how much you've been on board since the beginning of the whole Hobbit thing, but I can't say that I haven't at least been enjoying these movies by a lot.

Since The Desolation of Smaug ended on a cliff-hanger, The Battle of the Five Armies picks up right where the last movie ended. The dragon, Smaug, is terrorizing the people of Lake Town only to be taken down by The Bard. This part literally happens before the title of the movie is shown and before the actual story starts. The real story has the Dwarves reclaiming their mountain after Smaug's defeat only to have the leader of the group, Thorin Oakenshield, be overcome with greed. A lot of this has to do with some sort of dark energy that Smaug had left in the mountain. While this sort of trouble is going on, the people of Lake Town attempt to settle in the remains of the destroyed town next to the mountain in hopes that Thorin will keep his word on helping them out. Unfortunately, even when Lake Town has an army of Elves to coerce him to keep his word, Thorin is being kind of a douche and is willing to fight in order to keep his treasure. This is all happening while there is a looming threat of Orcs to make things even worse.

So, yeah! Going back and trying to describe the plot of this movie shows how complicated the series has actually gotten. Everything to this plot is the pay off to everything that has been set up in the previous movies. Not that it has been difficult to follow even with their being about three different plots going on as it all comes together pretty nicely. The reason why these movies have gotten pretty dense is how they could lead up to this epic battle without it seeming like something that comes out of nowhere as it does in the book. There's a reason why they had scenes of Gandalf investigating the return of Sauron only to find out that this is directly involved to the start of this epic battle.

And once the battle does come, the entire thing hits really hard. Jackson throws in just about everything he could think of in order to make this a one big, exciting war. However, it is all backed by some emotional key moments that keep the story going. The Hobbit of the story, Bilbo Baggins, seems to drift in and out of the background and almost seems unnecessary to the plot, but he actually turns out to be the key guy that holds the dwarves together and the one who helps them on the right path through some pretty effective scenes. Even the love triangle between Legolas, Tauriel, and Killi really comes into its own by the end of this movie. And, while I'm even having trouble telling you which dwarf is which, the more important key dwarves in the group finally do get a good payoff by the end of it all.

I'll admit that having the last movie ended where it did pissed me off as much as the last movie I saw where it did that(Catching Fire), but, now that it has all come together, I'm having trouble figuring out where you could have ended The Desolation of Smaug in a way that would make it feel like a complete story. In fact, these last two movies could be viewed as being one long giant movie as there are a lot of callbacks and even minor payoffs that were setup in the last movie. Of course, this might make people think these films should have just been two movies in the first place but a lot of the additions to the stories from the books feel like they are needed in order to make it feel like an over arching story and not just something where a bunch of stuff happens which was the sort of feeling I got from the book. How well these additions were done is up for debate, but I'm hard pressed to think of a better way to do it while still retaining the iconic events from the original source material.

By the end of it all, no, these movies are not going to live up to the legacy of The Lord of the Rings movies that started it all. However, it has been fun and I'm glad I got a chance to see these made in the first place. I've seen this movie two times at this time of writing this and I have to admit that I think I actually liked it better the second time. This might not be my favorite of The Hobbit movies, but the conclusion is satisfying enough and the battle sequence is just down right fun. It's been a good run and I can't wait to see what Jackson has in store for the next Tintin movie.

Nightcrawler

If there was any movie that would benefit you from not knowing or knowing little about this movie before seeing it, Nightcrawler would be one of those movies. It's not because there are big twists and hidden secrets to this movie, but of how this movie just takes you on a ride and describing all of the things that happen in this movie would be a great disservice. The trailer, as usual, just goes ahead and shows you the whole damn movie, which means you'll know exactly where the movie is going and how everything gets to where it eventually does. With that said, I'm not going describe major events in this movie and I'm going to be as vague as possible, but you should just watch the movie before reading anything about it.

Anyways, that's your PSA announcement of the day, let's talk about Nightcrawler.

Have you ever been one of those unfortunate people who ever had to go through a job interview? You know the process: an interviewer will ask you seemingly arbitrary things like "What are your strengths and weaknesses", "How would you describe yourself with three words", and other stuff as they claim to find the one person who's "motivated" and "self-starting" and other stuff. Nightcrawler literalizes the kind of person that interviewers would claim to look for, so of course this kind of person would be introduced as killing a security guard after being caught stealing from a construction site only to ask for a job at said construction site.

Jake Gyllenhaal plays Lou Bloom, someone who could be handily described as a sociopath who seeks to move up on the metaphorical business ladder. The story to Nightcrawler is that Bloom is looking for a job and he finds an interest in being a nightcrawler, someone who captures footage of a crime scene or an accident without the consent of anybody. Bloom sells this footage to a news station and he hopes to expand on his business.

And, yeah, that's the entire story. The main character is just out to make as much money as possible doing this sort of thing. Of course, there is a lot more to this movie. Otherwise, why else would I be saying that this movie is awesome, unless some guy was paying me to say that?

The secret behind Nightcrawler is the protagonist himself, Bloom. He's a sort of fascinating specimen who doesn't blink, states his intentions clearly when he thinks it will benefit him, and will lie at times to get what he wants. He will backstab someone when it means he can further his own goals and he's really good at pressuring people and he knows which buttons to push on certain people in order to make them give in. He also claims to be a business enthusiast and can list off a lot of the tactics to help build on his own career, but tactics like being encouraging and making connections are not coming from someone who's genuine in that kind of friendliness. These tactics are used to further his own agenda.

Bloom's character is foiled by Rick, a character bloom hires because he has GPS on his cellphone to help him get from location to location. Rick is sort of a different character to Bloom as he even makes the mention that Bloom just "doesn't get people". Of course, Bloom understands people all too well, which is how Rick ends up working for him in the first place. Rick is a poor person and stays with Bloom just for the money even though everything Bloom does is questionable right down to the big business that Bloom claims he owns. But it doesn't matter that Bloom has a business, only that he is able to take advantage of Rick in the first place.

There's a reason I brought up interviews in the beginning of this review as this movie shows the stark contrast between a business world and the day to day world through the character of Bloom. We've all seen movies and know that you have to get your hands dirty in order to make it big anywhere. However, Nightcrawler takes it a bit further than that as it shows how inhuman and robotic the business world can be. Interviewers seem to always look for certain kind of people with specific traits, even though, most of the time, the people they hire usually just need money and they're willing to give up time and energy just to make said money(someone like Rick in this movie). Someone like Bloom would be exactly the kind of person an interviewer would be looking for as he states all of the things that make him a good worker, but, by the end of it all, most of the people working with him end up hating him as the traits for a good business person doesn't make for a good human being.

One of the best things about Nightcrawler is how funny it is. This is one of those movies where I think you can tell a group of people they're going to see a serious crime drama and another group of people that they're going to see a pitch black, hilarious comedy and the reactions would be completely different based on that. The humor in this movie is very subtle and, often times, quite tragic, but it all fits well with the context. Bloom wears all of his intentions on his face and, through out the majority of the film, it says "I'm lying to you". Yet, the way he talks and the way he does things make it particularly hard to pin the guy on his obvious evil-doings other than...well, just look at him.

Nightcrawler is thrilling, tragic, dark, and funny all at once, but what's amazing is how engaging and mesmerizing the experience is. This is seriously one of the best movies to come out this year and something I feel is going to be mentioned as a major highlight by the end of it all.

The November Man

FOREWORD: It is December 5th of 2014 and nothing interesting came out that I can see right now. So, here's a review a I wrote back when this movie came out. The reason why I haven't posted it until now is because I wasn't entirely satisfied with how this review turned out, but it's a little better than nothing at this point. Enjoy!

So...not a lot has been coming out. At least, not a lot where I can conjure a whole essay on, but I guess that happens sometimes. So, here some quick bites of movies I saw recently.

Boyhood: I have pretty complicated feelings about this movie. There isn't a whole lot I can say that hasn't been said before. It features a very non-traditional story that shows the whole "in-between" moments of life. Ya know, all of the things that happen in-between our self-realizing big moments. Does it work? I'm not too sure. Is it worth watching to see a young, innocent boy grow up in front of your very eyes to be some sort of...philosophy...guy...type...guy? Eh...

Cantinflas: Hey! Remember that movie Saving Mr. Banks? Yeah, me neither.

Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill For: Haven't seen it yet, heard it was okay.

Expendables 3: Haven't seen it yet, but, in spite of all of the hate that me and others have put on the first two movies, I've been hearing that it's actually pretty cool. So...sure, I'll take it.

Okay...now that we've gotten that out of the way...oh god, why did I choose to write about this movie?

To be honest, I was secretly rooting for this movie. That might only be because Pierce Brosnan is in it and...well, look, I actually like the guy. Sure, he was in some of the stupidest James Bond movies ever, but he was also in a really good one(Goldeneye). When I read up on this movie that he was wanting to get this movie off of the ground right after Die Another Day(ugh...), it sort of seemed to me that he wanted some more fast paced, hard hitting, spy action. So, seriously, why not? I like Pierce Brosnan and I want him to succeed in a cool spy thriller. We've all been reminded by Jack Ryan, played By Chris PineTree, on how boring and cynical a spy actioner can get when nobody really gives a damn on what they're making, so why not a movie that somebody actually wants to make?

Well, it turns out that it can churn out the same kind of boring movie that Jack Ryan was, except now it gets into some weird places that somehow makes it a little worse.

The toughest thing about spy movies is actually coming up with a story that anybody would give a damn about. If you just played it straight and just had it where two organizations were against each other, you'd just have a boring villain of the week superhero movie...except without the super heroes. This is why so many movies go with the Mission Impossible format. When you have a secret agent who gets betrayed by the very people he is working for, it sets up that connection with the main character pretty easily. After all, I thought a movie like Haywire did this really well. But where as that is there to show off some slick fight scenes from an actual fighter, The November Man doesn't really seem to know what it wants to do.

So, Pierce Brosnan plays a spy who doesn't even resemble any sort of James Bond character. So, maybe the movie is setting itself up for something interesting? How about a subversion on the character? People still have Pierce Brosnan fresh on the mind as James Bond, especially after being in the sillier movies. Having him come back as being older, more crass, and sometimes even coming across as a scumbag would seem to make for some interesting commentary on the whole spy genre.

Unfortunately, even with an R-rating, which would seem to help give it an edgier take than usual, the movie just doesn't really want to do anything much except give a straight spy story while stuffing women in refrigerators(no, not literally, women just get the really, really short end of the stick on how they're treated in this movie). So, Peter, played by Pierce Brosnan, is on a mission with a hot-head recruit who does assassinations. Peter gives the guy a direct order and he doesn't listen, which causes the death of a kid. Cut to the future and Peter is retired while the hot-head guy is still doing assassination work. Peter gets called in on an assignment to extract a fellow spy, who is Peter's wife, because using someone else that the bad guy knows would blow the mission. Due to a misunderstanding, the hot-head guy kills Peter's wife because he thought she was being captured and Peter gets mad and some other plot stuff happens and...other stuff...ummm...eventually, the hot-headed guy learns not to be such a hot-head and the good guys win.

To be fair, it's not too bad in terms of plotting and structure, it just sort of leaves your mind the instant you walk out of the theater. Unfortunately, the movie can't help to bring in female characters as plot-devices in order to give the characters motivation to drive the plot along, and they get pretty scummy with it as well. We already see Peter's wife get shot through the head by a sniper, but, later on, Peter comes in to get revenge on the hot-headed guy by sending his girlfriend to the hospital by cutting a major artery. And then there's a daughter that appears at the last minute, because...well, why not? Gee, thanks for giving us the wrong reasons to talk about your movie!

But, above all else, this movie is just boring. It's amazing how a movie can have an R-rating, give some pretty gory action, and actually try to be something with something to say while also just being so dull. There really isn't anything you've already seen that's been done better by even the weakest of the Daniel Craig Bond movies. It's unfortunate that the movie also has to bring in some pretty scummy things that can hardly be justified, especially in the 21st century.

The Hunger Games: Mocking Jay Part 1

Ok, I have some catching up to do, so here are some movies I saw and then we'll get to the new Hunger Games movie.

Cantinflas - Do you remember that one movie called Saving Mr. Banks? Yeah, I'm a little hazy on it too, but this movie is like that movie

The November Man - Oh yeah...this movie exists...

The Equalizer - This was the movie I saw when Boxtrolls came out and...well...I wish I saw Boxtrolls instead.

Gone Girl - Err...yeah, haven't gotten to see this one either, but, from what I've heard, I really need to see it.

Alexander and the no good terrible something something day - Yeah...I saw this movie. But, for what it was worth, I laughed more than I probably should have.

Fury - Pretty damn good.

John Wick - Pretty damn good...as well...

Nightcrawler - This movie is probably going to end up in my top 5. It was pretty fantastic!

Big Hero 6 - One of the better animated movies to come out this year. Also, stay through the credits.

Interstellar - The technique behind this movie is great. The visuals, the special effects, the intense moments through space just work like those guys that bust gangs for a living. Unfortunately, the follow through with the story is not as great. But, if anything, it's a movie that people are going to be talking about at least.

Dumb and Dumber To - I laughed. According to "expert" reviews and movie goers, maybe I shouldn't have laughed as much as I did, but...well, I just did. That's all I really need to say.

Alright! Here we go!

Imagine that Return of the Jedi was split into two parts and that the first part was just people talking and waiting around until they finally devise a plan to rescue Han Solo. There might be some conflict and a couple of things happening.  Maybe Luke is having some self doubt on the rescue mission and everything afterwards, but it's mostly just marking time to get to the actual meat of the story. And then the rescue on Han Solo finally occurs, but that exciting sequence happens off-screen. And then the movie ends with a promise that things will finally get resolved in the next movie. This is roughly what the new Hunger Games movie is like.

I'll admit to not liking the Hunger Games as much as everyone else, but they have been decent movies so far. The first movie was okay and the second one was a little better, so maybe things are going to come together for a really strong finish. Unfortunately, we have to wait a bit for that to happen because this is the new age of adapting single books into multiple parts just to squeeze out as much money as one can. This decision is what makes The Hunger Games: Mocking Jay Part 1 a chore to watch.

Mocking Jay Part 1 picks up where the last movie ended and all of the good guys are trying to start a revolution. In order to do that, they need an inspiring leader to fulfill the role as "The Mocking Jay" and it's up to Katniss Everdeen to take on this position. During the meanwhile, they find out that Peeta is being held captive by the Badguys. Also, Peeta is being forced to discourage the entire revolution which complicates things.

Katniss agrees to be "The Mocking Jay" as long as the rebel leaders agree to rescue Peeta along with all of the other Hunger Games winners who are under the control of the main Badguys. Unfortunately, Katniss is having a bit of trouble with the scripted propaganda videos she acts in, so everyone decides that she needs to do her own thing in order to be inspiring. This requires a camera crew to follow her around and exploit her emotions during tragic events, even if that event involves people tragically dying on account of them showing up to help.

Honestly, the whole part where the crew callously tries to film a "moment" from Katniss no matter how terrible the situation is brings up some pretty dark subject matters. It shows the dark side of a revolution that still might be for a better cause, it shows how one might do some shady things if it might push people in the right direction. The previous two movies have been lacking in a bit of hard-biting commentary other than "OOooohhhh, oppression towards the poor is bad, etc, etc," but this could be exactly the kind of thing this franchise needs in order stand out.

Unfortunately, The Hunger Games: Mocking Jay Part 1 has yet to go anywhere because it has the burden of only being a fragment of a complete story. Catching Fire had a bit of this problem as well, but at least it had a beginning that was leading somewhere, even if it cuts itself off with a cliffhanger. Where ever the second movie was going has yet to come up in the new movie because The Hunger Games: Mocking Jay Part 1 is only there to bridge a gap that has yet to exist with the final movie not being out yet.

At this point, it feels unfair to really judge this movie since we have yet to find out how it's going to work in the grand scheme of things. But, as of now, the movie isn't even trying to appeal to anyone else except for the hardcore fans who have already read the books. The movie jumps in the middle of everything and then just leaves in the middle of everything as well, which is what made it really hard for me to sit through this movie. I trust that things will work out in the end, it's just going to be a sort of a wait to get there. Until then, I really can't imagine anybody but the devoted fans to be able to really get anything out of this movie.

The Giver

"It's just a bad adaptation. As a movie it's just boring." Lindsay Ellis (The Nostalgia Chick)

I feel compelled to put a quote like that for this movie as it appears a lot of people are saying this about it. And, speaking as someone who hasn't read the book, this does seem to be about right. I wouldn't be able to tell you how well it lives up to the book, but, seeing other people calling this a "bad adaptation," it's pretty clear that the book was doing something a lot more compelling than the movie was trying to do. Apparently, there are a lot of concepts and ideas that don't get explored in the movie as it makes room for a vague set of rules in this new world so we can have a vague sort of destiny that our protagonist goes through where he goes on a quest that has a vague goal on breaking the system somehow. Eventually, the movie ends.

The book might have had more detail on what the hell was going on and there might have been goals and motivations from characters that were probably clarified. If that's the case, then this movie fucked up hard. I already have a Ninja Turtles movie that's fresh in my memory in reminding me how badly things can go when you don't have clear characters and a lot of loose plot-threads, but The Giver takes everything to a whole new level in lazy story-telling.

The Giver is about a young, teenage boy, named Jonas, who lives in a future where everything is boring. However, this is a trade-off so people can live a perfect life as kids are born and start doing activities that will determine what their job is in their adult lives will be. People live happy, boring lives just as long as they take their daily medicine provided to them by the government. But the protagonist feels like there isn't going to be a job that fits him in the future because he feels like he's a special snow-flake who always saw things differently(making him instantly relate-able to every teenager ever). They reinforce this by having the entire world in black and white and there are scenes of Jonas where he catches glimpses of color. Anyways, it turns out he's right because, as they go through the job process, he turns out to be the chosen one and he must learn the ways of the not boring life for some reason.

To teach him the ways of the not boring life is Jeff Bridges, who plays a guy who carries memories of the life that was happening before this society was created. Jonas's new job is to be the next person to carry these memories so he knows what the world was like before it was boring. Through this process, he learns to see colors, to think for himself, and to feel emotions. And, it's at this point where the movie falls apart and doesn't even bother to make sense anymore.

The biggest problem is the lack of...establishing of whatever the hell is going on throughout this movie. Jonas gets appointed this job, but it's never really explained why this job is necessary for this society. Wouldn't it benefit the people in charge to not have anybody remember what the past life was like in case people start thinking the old way was better? What do these people get out of having somebody being the memory carrier when they can't share these memories?

The Giver gets killed by establishing a premise that somehow doesn't even make sense within its own context of the film. It's clear that they needed this whole memory plot to be there in order to have a story of some sort. Otherwise, the entire population would just go about their daily lives without a care in the world as it turns out the medication they are forced to take is what robs them of all emotions and free thinking. So, of course, the plan is to break the system and help everyone else free themselves from being controlled. In order to do this, the protagonist must...ummm...cross the barrier that's shielding this society so it will break and cause everybody to not be boring anymore. Forget that it was the medication that everyone was forced to take, breaking this barrier is what causes everybody to see clearly.

The worst part about The Giver is that it's a lot more boring than I'm probably making it out to be. From describing it, it sounds like one of those cases where they got things so wrong that it's laughable. If you read the book, this might be the case. Otherwise, the movie just gets by on being vague on its own plot details so it'll have the illusion of any sort of conflict or drama or story-telling and it's also what causes this 90 minute movie to feel like it's 10 god damn hours long. If The Giver is any hint on what's coming out in our future of boring, soulless adaptions of young adult novels, then we're in for a pretty painful ride.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Preface: This review is assuming that you're smart enough to figure out that the good guys win in the end. Thank you!

I really wanted to hate this movie. Every new detail I heard about this new Teenager Mutant Ninja Turtles iteration gave me every reason to not expect anything good out of it. And the final result pretty much confirms everything I thought was going to go wrong. This movie feels like it's doing everything it can to make me want to hate it. It's got Megan Fox reminding us why we hated her in the Transformers movies, the new designs for the turtles and even Splinter himself are on par with the robots from Transformers in being the ugliest, busiest computer generated things to ever be produced from a budget that you'd think would be able to conjure up something better, and it's got story and structural problems that would make the most amateurish writer of writers(people like me) scratch their heads in confusion.

This movie gave me every reason to hate it, but, for some reason, I just couldn't.

Maybe it's because the Ninja Turtles didn't have that much of an affect on me throughout my childhood and, if they did ruin these characters(which they did), it isn't on par with, say, ruining the Super Mario Bros. But to say that it had no affect would be an overstatement. I grew up watching the Second Animated Series that started in 2003. I don't remember a lot from that show other than that they weren't afraid to branch off into weird settings with inter-dimensional beings or something like that. They made ballsy moves that only inexpensive shows and big-budget Marvel movies can pull off for some reason. Also, I loved the crap out of the first two 90s movies and I remember being the only 7th Grader at school to actually be excited about the animated feature that came out in 2007, which wasn't a classic but it was functional and something that's now been elevated in quality thanks to this new movie.

The story starts with our lead character, April O'Neil, who's a reporter that's sick of getting B-news stories as everybody only treats her by her looks. Did I mention that she's being played by Megan Fox? Holy shit, movie! Are you trying to make a statement in showing off that Megan Fox can be taken seriously as an actress and that we should treat her more seriously than we do now? Well, apparently not, because Megan Fox looks like she'd rather be anywhere else than in this movie. But it's okay, because the movie can't even take her seriously as her entire character is undermined by one butt-shot that they some how sneaked into this movie.

But the entire movie can't even take itself seriously by giving us the most lazy, generic screenplay since Divergent(which at least tried to take itself seriously). April goes off on an investigation to figure out who's been stopping these terrorist attacks from the Foot clan. As it turns out, the titular Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are the ones who are helping out, who turn out to be April's pets during her childhood, who turn out to be part of an experiment to create a cure of some sort, which turns out to be the plot device for the bad guy, who turns out to be the guy behind these experiments, which, in turn, is there to make the dumbest bad guy scheme since Christopher Walken's plan from A View to a Kill. Seriously, the main bad guy's plan is to release a disease that only he has the cure for, except his disease kills off everybody. It doesn't exactly take a keen eye to see the problem with his plan there. Also, I'm starting to wonder if the entire world revolves around these events since nothing that happens in this movie is due to chance or coincidence or, god forbid, actual character choices!

Oh yeah, and Shredder is in this movie as well.

Formulaic stories that involve destiny, or stuff like that, does seem like the easy option as it does the work for you in basically giving you all of the character and story arcs that you need. So, be ****ing surprised that they even messed that up. I've talked about how they set up April as someone who people don't take seriously, so maybe they're going to complete her arc with her finally proving herself to everyone or with her figuring out that this messed up world isn't going to let her get anywhere without her breaking the system or something like that. But, no, that doesn't happen. Instead, she starts off with figuring out who the turtles are and then....she just watches stuff happen...

Cue Mr. Plinkett quote.

But, hey, maybe that's the point, right? Maybe they did it this way so they can give something for the Ninja Turtles to do. Except, they don't, as the Turtles are introduced, they have a fight with The Shredder, they fail, they have their second fight, and then they finally defeat him by playing this sort of childhood game on him. That sounds like it could be a Chekov's Gun moment, but they never show us a scene where they play that...game(?) in order to defeat The Shredder. Seriously, there were obvious arcs they could have used like team-work or mastering their ability to be ninjas or proving themselves to the outside world. Ya know, stuff that doesn't even need the whole damned "destiny" trite!

There is no way I'm going to be able to list every single thing that's wrong with this movie in this review without it turning into a long, thesis length essay. However, loose plot threads and unfinished character arcs are the big main problems that no movie will ever survive.

But, with all that said, I couldn't hate it.

There are a couple of good action scenes, one involving a tumble towards a cliff and a couple of decent moments of ninja action. Were these moments enough to save this movie? Of course not. But I wasn't bored or angry throughout the entire run-time, even though this movie is still probably going to end up on my top ten worst list because there are still too many damn problems to just ignore. In fact, thinking about this movie, writing this review, and mulling over on all of the story issues that this movie has really, really makes me want to hate this movie.

But I can't, as it's probably because it's hard to conjure up any sort of strong emotion when I care about this movie as much as the people behind this film. Here's hoping for better run in round 2.