REVIEW: Oblivion

I don't think anyone else can really put it in a better way.

I could leave this entire thing right there, because it felt like everybody was asleep when they were making this movie. But, since you asked nicely, I suppose...

Nobody cared, that's my best explanation for this movie. Oblivion is an overly long, boring two hours that doesn't even want to try to be anything. It doesn't take a full on dive into the completely stupid and dumb territory or even try to do anything interesting with its already dull premise. It's just there for people to take a pay check.

So, it's half past the apocalypse after an incredibly violent war with aliens that involved nuclear weapons, leaving the moon destroyed as well. Jack Reacher and his partner, Victoria, work together to scavenge remaining resources for whoever they are working for. But. the further they go into to this work, the more Jack Reacher realizes something isn't right and...he meets up with guys...stuff happens...plot twist...the end.

I appreciate that they are actually trying to go for more of a slow paced, methodical, science fiction film rather than an action packed, fantasy adventure in space, but the whole problem is that nothing interesting happens in the movie, even with all of the plot twists in this movie that you are already able to figure out from the trailer. Sure, fine, the movie does go into a couple of unexpected directions, but none of them really save this movie. The plot twists are mainly there just to be there to make this movie look smarter than it actually is.

While the surprises in Oblivion don't really work on any kind of level, it would have been saved if anything interesting was happening in this movie. But, as we've established, nobody is actually even trying, so, everything is made up of Tom Cruise playing a boring character with Andrea Riseborough playing another boring character where they all do boring things as the characters are only there to drive the plot along. But, don't worry, they also start meeting more characters who face the exact same problem of being walking card-board cut outs.

To top it all off, the movie is visually boring as well. Sure, there are a couple of scenes showing off the vast landscape of a destroyed Earth that looks sort of nice, but all of the visual aesthetics are just bland and uninteresting. The robot drones, the weapons, the workers' outfits, and the space ships, seemed like they all came from a design person who just wanted to come up with something that vaguely looked futuristic looking so he can call it a day slightly quicker.The costumes that other characters use are probably the only things that are actually interesting looking, but it's only because they took all of the cool bits from the Predator costume.

Could this movie have been any better? Thinking on what I just saw, I find it hard to really salvage anything to make this into a good movie. You could probably actually create decent characters, a visually interesting movie, but as nonsensical as this movie already is, you'll probably just end up making Prometheus...again. But, even then, Prometheus was way more worth watching than this movie if only because that movie takes a full on dive into something that you're not sure what you're watching, but at least it's interesting. And that's the whole problem with Oblivion; it doesn't even try to do anything with itself. The entire movie feels coldly calculated, being made in such a way where nobody really has to do anything to get this movie to go anywhere. It just stays in its safe little bubble never really going in the good direction or the bad direction. But, that in itself is what actually makes this movie bad and not really all that worth watching.

REVIEW: 42

No, it has nothing to do with Hitchhiker's Guide. Not that you thought that, but I've already seen people making the same jokes and I felt like at least one person out there was going to expect me to do the same.

It's really not funny though, all it's really saying is "Oh, look at me, I can make a reference to that one book everyone has read, I'm so cool!"

Actually, now that I think about it, if anybody, seriously, ANYBODY is going to reference to that book, can we find new jokes to reference on? I remember actually referencing to that book on Facebook, and none of you guys seemed to recognize it because it didn't include the number 42. It's that same state of limbo that Portal seems to be stuck in now; it seems like the only "joke" people take out of that game is "The cake is a lie!" Forget the fact that there are actual funny jokes besides that one that's even funny out of context, maybe like how GLaDOS advises you not to listen to the Companion Cube if it starts talking.

Well, Don't Panic! The Universe wasn't sneezed out of the nose of a being called the Great Green Arkleseizure for nothing. Sure, you may be one of those people where if you stop talking then your brains might actually start to work, or maybe you're just afraid that if you're not talking about random pointless things in an extremely obnoxious then you'll accidentally transmit your thoughts, but you might as well be funny while you're doing it. Quit with the obvious things like "My, what a beautiful day" or "You're very tall" or "My God! You just fell down a fifty foot well. Are you alright?" and with that one obvious reference that nobody can seem to get right in the first place (42 isn't the meaning of life even in the book) and maybe be clever for once. Does this require a lot of effort on your part? Actually, none at all. And, coincidentally enough, none at all is exactly how much of me suspecting one of my friends actually being an alien, but, boy, wouldn't that be cool. And, actually, it may take some effort, but it's for the sake of actually not driving the whole legacy of Douglas Adams into a wall.

Anyways, on to the review of 42!

Yeah, it's alright.

42 hasn't really left that much of an impression on me. I've only seen this movie a couple of days ago, and I'm not even sure if I actually remember anything from it, other than that it actually made me enjoy baseball just a little bit while watching.

The movie follows the story of a young Jackie Robinson who becomes the first African American to break the color barrier in major league baseball. Jackie has to put up with people not liking him and the rest of his team have to accept Jackie as being a legitimate member. There are some racist jerks who are designed for the movie goers to hate so this thing called drama can happen in the film.

It's a very paint by numbers movie with it's main two purposes of making black people feel good and white people feel a little less racist. It's not going to have a major impact on anyone's life, but it's hard to imagine anyone walking away from this movie actively hating it unless you're one of those people that the movie depicted as being the worst possible kind of human being. But, if that were the case, I'd suggest that you jump in front of a train!

If anything, though, Harrison Ford is really fun to watch in this movie!

Other than that...there's not too much to talk about with 42. It's fine, it's enjoyable. So, let's just call this our soft gate-way movie before we have to put up with Oblivion.

REVIEW: Evil Dead

I've actually seen a couple of movies between the now and the then, but I've never really gotten around to writing about them. I'll probably talk about these movies later, probably after seeing the new movie where Tom Cruise runs, but, until then, I actually want to talk about one that I actually liked.

"What Sean? You actually liked that one movie where that one creepy chick took a razor blade to her tongue and starts making out with that other chick?"

SHUTUP! It's been a really weak year so far with only one movie that I felt has been great. So, it's refreshing that I actually get to see one that just decides to go all out with how crazy it can get even if it's not  functional.

Here, let me tell you short story that will take up half of this review. Before I was in High School, I was a bit prissy when it came to these kinds of movies. I couldn't stand excessive gore.  That was really about it for me though. But after a swift transition that happened during High School, I found myself laughing all the way through Piranha 3D with its gruesome, over the top death scenes where anyway you can think of someone getting brutally mutilated would actually happen.

But, what happened that turned me into this individual who craves this sort of Grindhouse violence? Well, I saw Peter Jackson's Dead Alive...or Brain Dead, which is a title that makes more sense. Being at a quaint Library party during Halloween, they had fun activities with even the original NES that had Super Mario Bros. 3! But, there was also a small theater that was free for this guy to show any movie he wanted. He showed my brother and me the DVD case of Dead Alive, telling us that it was one of Peter Jackson's first movies. "Oh, ok!" I thought "I like that guy, he directed The Lord of the Rings and King Kong, pretty much my favorite movies of all time." I didn't know what I was expecting though. It was obviously going to be part of the horror genre, but I'm not that into horror movies. Even today, I still don't really see horror movies unless it's a special exception. If I didn't hear Peter Jackson's name, I probably would have skipped out on Dead Alive entirely. The movie finally starts, and what followed was some of the cheeziest, awesomely violent things I have ever seen with scenes that was not shy on letting blood pour all over the screen. With scenes that involved knives, blenders, a lawn mower, an undead baby, and a priest that knows Kung Fu, it was unlike anything I've seen before. Me and my brothers stomachs were churned after the entire experience was finished. It was the first time I had ever felt this way after seeing a movie. It was AWESOME!

And, after seeing the remake of The Evil Dead, I'm kind of disappointed that's it's pretty much the only time too a movie made me feel that way. Not to say that Evil Dead isn't incredibly violent, because...well...if you've seen the Red Band Trailer, then you know.

But, that's also kind of the problem, because after watching that trailer a few times over and finally being able to watch the movie in its entirety, I realized that nearly every scene that was worth watching was shown in the Red Band Trailer. And when I saw that trailer for the first time, I actually had a hard time handling it. But I got a bit used to it, and by the time I saw the whole thing, I handled every scene that was bloated with gruesome and disturbing images that was mainly there to make the audience start vomiting without being fazed at all. Though, I do have to say, I was laughing throughout most of it. It probably would have been a lot more fun for me if I was watching this with a huge audience and getting to see their reactions to all of the extremely violent parts that happened, as the audience I saw this with was basically about 10 people at most.

But, even after knowing that the best parts have already been shown in the trailer, it's still a movie that is worth watching if you're into this kind of thing. Evil Dead never stops topping itself with each event that happens, and by the time it gets to the end...well, you're just going to have to see what happens. It's some extremely crazy stuff.

If it sounds like there isn't much to this movie besides just showing off how depraved it likes to get, it's because that's pretty much the case. The story is just there to bring all these characters into an evil cabin where terrible events happen. There's a plot that involves one of the characters trying to quit drugs, but they never go anywhere with that besides making the characters hesitant on believing her when there some seriously weird things happen. All of the characters are pretty flat with not a lot of a personality to speak of; they are just there to serve as vessels to see what power tool X does to human body part Y. That's really the only reason to see Evil Dead.

Being a remake, you're probably wondering where this stands with the original. Well, as the original was trying to play it a bit more seriously but was ultimately just goofy, even if being incredibly morbid, this new iteration accomplishes the same thing. Yeah, you could say it plays it straight better than the original does, but, when you get right down to it, the new Evil Dead is as goofy as hell. The character that gets possessed is laughable, the blood is so over the top that it's hard to take anything that happens seriously, and that ending...like I said, you'll see. Thankfully, they realize how silly it is, which is why the movie works in the first place. It's not silly in the sense that it's trying to be funny, just in how crazy it can get. It knows that when people get possessed, people want to see it happen in the most ludicrous way possible. It knows that when they go for violence, people want to see it in the grossest and phoniest way possible. And these parts are so well done, what more could you ask for?

Evil Dead isn't going to change anyone's life, but I had a lot of fun with it. The movie is lacking in things that could have gave it a little more substance, but it doesn't really care about that. As it stands, it's a film that understands what it has to do well in order to make it an enjoyable ride.Yeah, it's not for everyone, and, chances are, you've probably already decided if you're going to like this or not just from watching the trailers. But if you're a depraved individual who just wants see just about the most terrible things you can ever seen done to a human being...well, you should probably go seek mental aid!

REVIEW: Spring Breakers

I wonder about myself sometimes...actually, a lot of times. But when people start saying that a movie defines the Generation Y people, which is the generation I fall into, I find out more and more about how I just don't relate to a lot of people...if at all.

It might explain the sort of emptiness I got from this movie.

I'm not sure if I have any true authority to say how good this movie is, because...I really don't know how to feel about it. It's got stars from other works that I like to avoid, it's directed by some guy I have never heard of, and it's a party movie. It's not a kind of movie you'll ever find me watching unless it's a strong exception. And with the way I've been hearing about this movie, I figured that it was either going to be a huge disaster or something else.

This movie is something else. It's an incredibly unique experience.

Most of the uniqueness comes from its story; in that it has one, but it's barely even there. Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Benson, and Rachel Korine(the Director's wife, therefore, the one actress you've never heard of) decide they want the wild, partying life in Florida, which is shown in the first five minutes of the movie with Dubstep music blasting(which, I'm pretty sure the only reason why they chose that kind of music was to make sure people walk out of the movie before they see the rest). They are short on money, so, three of the girls rob a store in order to solve that problem. On the trip, they end up in jail for being found with illegal substances, and the person who rescues them is Alien, played by James Franco, only to take them on the further end of the wild life.

I can really only remember two of the characters in this movie as they were the only two characters of the five to show any kind of uniqueness from the rest of the main characters. Selena Gomez plays Faith who comes from a religious background, and she leaves the scene when she feels like it's starting to become too much for her. The other character I remember is James Franco's Alien, as he has a unique name and a big part as the overly into himself chav that everybody seems to like even though he's really just a sad miserable person who has a lot of money. Nobody, not even himself, sees him this way, so they figure him as some kind of prodigy. The other three characters are the rest of the girls, and they feel pretty interchangeable, but, I suppose that was sort of the point as it shows what kind of person would take on this sort of life style.

It may sound like there's a concise story from the description I gave, and while it is easy to follow, most of the movie is made up of just showing us stuff. The first half is to show us the light hearted, partying life-style that these girls find themselves in while the second half drags on about their downfall. It's less about the personal journey for the characters and more about lingering on the life-style these people have taken.

Maybe that explains this sort of empty feeling I got from this movie. I guess it's not that I don't "get it" but more about how far removed I am from these kinds of people or from people in general. It makes me wonder if people my age really do long for this kind of life-style, and if so...they probably should see this movie. I was sort of expecting something life changing, but I left feeling a bit confused.

The movie is interestingly made as the cinematography involves close-ups of...well, pretty much everything. I think it's suppose to give off a vibe of feeling like an extra friend tagged along and decided to film everything. And how the movie presents its scenes is like watching an entire act all at once. The scenes are made up of cutting back and forth between the things that happened later and earlier in the act. It can be really effective at times as we get a glimpse of how a character talks to one person while talking an other about the same thing, but having a different tone. The movie wants us to see this divide between how people felt back then and in the future. It'll even show scenes that was shown earlier but in a different context. It can work, but there'll be many times when the film is overly repeating itself to drive in a point.

And I suppose the point was that the kids finding themselves into these lives only lead them into this sort of existential emptiness, but nobody wants to point it out because...well, they're supposed to be having fun, dammit! And this is fun! It's what Spring Break is all about!

It's going to take a while for this movie to settle in to help me describe on how I felt about this movie. Maybe reading other people's interpretations and reactions might help me learn something, it'll just take time. But if it's one thing, I know that this movie is definitely going to stick with me for a while because of how interesting it was. Because of how unique its style and presentation and subject matter is, it's going to be something that is remembered. That alone is at least worth something. So, if anything, it's a movie that I'd recommend if only because of the polarizing experience that it gives.

REVIEW: The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

Not a whole lot of interesting movies have been coming out lately, but there was one that came out last week, and I felt like I didn't need to say anything about Oz The Great and Powerful because that movie is taking off with loads of money right now.

And if you're one of those people that hasn't seen it yet...well, you probably don't care either way.

Either way, I thought it was pretty cool!

Anyways!

It was alright. It's fine. It fills the space. I laughed a few times.

There, that's all I feel like I really need to say about this movie.

Oh....I guess you want something a little more in depth, huh? I'm not sure if this movie really deserves it, but, since you asked and I like you so much and you also probably don't exist, I'll go more into this movie.

Ummmmmm........

So, there's this guy who wants to be a magician when he's a kid. He also makes a friend and they become partners and stuff. These two kids grow up to be Steve Carell and Steve Buscemi with a famous magic show called The Incredible Burt Wonderstone and some other guy. But, after a couple of years of doing the same thing over and over again, Burt gets tired of this whole schtick, the other guy is getting fed up with Burt's grumpiness and then there magic show falls apart. In order to get things right back on track, Burt has to learn to not be a complete jerk all the time.

Also, Jim Carrey plays a magician who's not really a magician; his acts are mostly made up of him torturing himself in various ways like holding in his urine for a couple of weeks, lying on coal over night, etc...actually, these are some of the funniest parts in the movie, and it has a laugh out loud pay off towards the end.

Other than that, most of the movie was mostly made up of chuckles and me thinking "Man! Olivia Wilde sure is hot!"

Actually, the movie is pretty funny, it's just not entirely special or memorable or...really anything. It's got all the formulaic beats going for it and you can pretty much guess exactly what's going to happen in the movie just from the small plot description that I gave, but, for what it's worth, I had a decent time and there were audible laughs coming from the audience, so it kept people awake all the way through.

Hey! Towards the beginning, it's got that kid from Diary of a Wimpy Kid who actually plays a bully now, and he's actually really good at it! Then again, he's kind of a bully in the film he's famous for, but, this is the kind of kid he actively makes fun of in his diary in the other movie. Well, I thought it was interesting at least.

Also, how come no matter what happens, it's the second guy that never really seems to get the happy ending, even though they are the nicer guy throughout the entire thing? I mean, Carell kind of says the meanest things towards Wilde, but then he redeems himself from being a jerk to being only kind of sort of a jerk, but he gets the happy ending with the girl? Ok, fine, sure, maybe Buscemi looks a little too much like...well, Buscemi, but, still....We have to end this mistreatment towards secondary characters once and for all!

Ok, now I'm just filling up space. Bottom line, if you're just looking for an easy, fun film that will give you a couple of laughs, you'll probably get a bit of a fix with this movie. Otherwise....well, if you haven't seen Oz The Great and Powerful, I'd think you'd get a little bit more of your moneys worth through that movie. I'm not sure if anything too interesting is coming out until next month.

Paperman is Terribly Insulting!

I'll have more to say about The Oscars after I watch Life of Pi, but until then, this is all I have to say.

Seth MacFarlane was a really funny host. In fact, he was so funny, it made me wonder where that Seth was while Ted was being made.

Argo is a really good movie. Not my choice for movie of the year, especially when I feel like Zero Dark Thirty or Django Unchained were more bold and daring and even more important.

Brave winning for best animated feature is....ummm.....surprising. It was good, but every other movie that was nominated was better. Wreck-It Ralph seemed like it would have been the more suitable choice, but maybe the old guys voting felt like it wasn't good enough for being about video games(just speculating).

Alright, so, let's get to the angry part...

Paperman makes me mad....I mean, really mad!

I didn't mind it too much when I first saw it. It's got a really good art style....and that's as far as my appreciation goes for this thing. But then it got popular, people were getting emotionally touched by it, and now I can't stop thinking about it. How can people be so emotionally invested into one of the most superficial and, quite frankly, insulting love stories I have ever seen?

I guess it makes sense, though. The whole thing hits the right notes for the general public. First we have a guy who is your average guy and there's nothing really that special about him, but he's generically cute looking. He's got those big Disney Eyes, a modest looking smile, a sort of boyish messy set of hair, and a really big nose. The woman? Well, she's a mutated science experiment where pretty much everything about her is to make her look as gorgeous as possible.

Seriously, if you ever meet a woman who looks like that, get the heck out of there, because she's probably a robot assassin....and she's after YOU!

But this is a Disney cartoon, so we can trust her.

The entire story of the short: They first meet, they have a slightly amusing interaction, and while the guy turns his head for a brief second, the woman magically teleports on the bus without saying anything. And, against all odds, they some how meet together again. The stuff that happens doesn't really matter, it just matters that it was against all odds.

There, we're attached to these characters, we see the guy wishing he can meet her again, making us feel sympathetic, and then he does, giving people that warm and fuzzy feeling. My problem is that it blatantly hits all of those notes to make you feel the way you do by the end of it.

The reason why I feel like it's insulting is how the guy treats the entire situation. He probably lost his job because of what he did and it's all for someone who could be a robot assassin for all we know.....and she's after HIM!

Yep, let's keep that attitude going for everybody and start turning people into idiots.

It doesn't help that every other animated short was better than this one! You want to talk about clever? How about The Longest Daycare. How about something that's even better looking? Adam and Dog. Want something really wacky? Fresh Guacamole is probably going to be one of the weirdest but one of the cleverest things you'll ever see. How about another love story that's actually more meaningful and actually has things to say? Head Over Heels.

It just makes me mad to see what people seem to be getting out of this. "It's okay to abandon all logic and reason if it's for the sake of love." Fine, I know that's not what people are saying, but those are the implications. 

If this didn't get so much attention, I wouldn't have even cared. I would have just remembered as a very beautiful looking piece of work, and that would have been it. But, then, people had to twist it into being more than just an empty, meaningless shell, though, a very good looking shell. But, then, these are the same people who nominated Les Miserables for Movie of the Year.

Call me bitter, but I hope their relationship turns out to be a massive train wreck.

Side Effects

And, here we go! The first truly great movie of 2013. And it's by Soderbergh, a director who came out with another first great movie of the year of 2012(Haywire).



Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to talk about this movie without talking about the turns it takes into what makes it such a great movie. If you've managed to avoid the trailers or any other information about this movie, good! This is definitely one of those movies where you go in completely cold. So, I would advise you to stop reading this right now and just go watch the movie.

If you do feel like reading some more, then I won't spoil any of the turns this movie takes, but, you might as well stop reading anyway.

The movie starts off with that guy from 21 Jump Street getting released from jail after serving his time for insider trading. He comes home with his wife, Emily(being played by that girl from The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo), and everything is fine and happy now. Except, it's not, because Emily attempts suicide by driving into a wall in a garage parking lot.

Emily ends up in the hospital and she gets a visit from Watson from the Sherlock Holmes movies. Ok, fine, his name is actually Jonathon Banks. Anyways, Banks is a psychologist, and he tries to help out Emily. After a couple of the depressive phases that Emily goes through, she gets set up on these certain kind of drugs and.....that's where things start going into different directions that you're just going to have to see for yourselves.

What's totally great about this movie is how well directed it is, though, this is a Soderbergh movie, and he's pretty much been able to show real directing skills on pretty much everything he's done. His most recent movies are some titles you might recognize like Contagion and Haywire, though, his most notable movie from last year was Magic Mike. I haven't seen Magic Mike(maybe I'll see it, it's gotten really good reviews), but all of these movies are really different genres, and they've all been really good.

This time around, it's a psychological thriller, and it's a really good one. The actors put on some really good performances, but what I think what makes this film work is the cinematography that's used. Effective angles are used to project the emotional states that Emily is going through. One of the scenes that kind of spoke out to me was when Emily was being put through this sedative, and the movie focuses on the characters looking directly into the camera while asking Emily questions. It feels a bit awkward, but it's kind of meant to feel that way, making us feel how Emily feels before passing out.

I think I'll touch on this movie later, maybe a week or so to make sure that at least one person has seen this movie, but for now, just go see this movie. I heard on NPR that Soderbergh might be retiring after this movie, and I really don't want him to. It's only been a year since I've been fully appreciating him as a director, and it'd be a shame if he goes.

Regardless, though, this is a really, really good movie, and you should definitely check it out!